Mama Self Care: A Formula For Happiness

Let me warn you a head of time - this post has a couple diagrams (gasp!) but I hope that it'll all make sense to you.

Last year I did something that I haven't done in over 5 years - I invested myself in new friendships. You see, going from being a mom of one very easy going daughter to the mom of two daughters - one of which is feisty, has a fire of her own and honestly I didn't know how to parent yet. My husband is an amazingly supportive father but as a stay at home mom I felt the pull to reach out to other moms. It was to not only create social interaction for my daughters but also give me the fellowship and support that I needed from other women too.

I grew a lot last year. I put myself out there and I can proudly say that I've made a handful of very close friends whom I will cherish for the rest of my life.

But there was something missing, at least for me. Even though I replenished my bucket through social needs, I wasn't feeding myself. Growing on this foundation this year I've got a new game plan, which became evident to me at my recent MOPs meeting about self care.

Being a mom is important work, as we all know. It's one of the most rewarding things that I will ever do, but it's also by far been the hardest. Some days I'd trade the crayons, laundry, diapers, nursing, songs, open schedule, tantrums and puddle stomping for a long day at the office working for "the man." Because at least at my old desk I'd have a cup of coffee in peace without running the risk of finding a surprise at the bottom.

The rewarding, satisfying days truly outweigh the days that I slump into my bed at night; exhausted physically and mentally. But the simple checks and balances of "what kind of day" it was doesn't equate in motherhood. Some great days are worth 5 bad days and other times they are worth 15 bad days, does that make sense? Some days one great day will equal one bad day. But what many mothers will admit, in the quiet comfort of their dear friend's company - sometimes I feel like I am putting out a lot more than I get back. And it's true; I think all mothers go through this phase. I am one of them.

So it becomes a good exercise to take account for what it is that drains us and what fuels us. The speaker at my MOPs meeting asked us to think of ourselves as a circle and to describe things that "fuel" us. For her it was horseback riding. She can go into her barn and spend hours there, forgetting about the world. When she emerges she feels refreshed. What are some things that you do just for you, that truly refuel you? Blogging, most of the time, fills that for me. In cases like today, where I get to write out my personal thoughts and work through something, I feel renewed. I feel the same way after a really great conversation with a friend. Or coloring. Hiking. Travel. Or hanging out in the backyard watching "chicken TV" (just watching my chickens do their silly thing).

Then she asked us to think about all the things that we put out that drain us. Lord, I hate doing the laundry. I hate tidying up the house. I hate going through all of our bills and calling up whatever company overcharged us that month because it inevitably means I'm going to be put on hold for forever and bounced around to whatever department can help me - all during my toddler's nap time when I am hyper aware of every noise in the house (including my own) because God help me - that little girl needs her nap every day. I do not enjoy the process of teaching my pre-schooler the importance of eating her dinner lest she wakes me up at 3am asking for a string cheese because she went to sleep hungry. But those are things that we have to do. It's adulting. But it wears on us because it's parts of ourselves that we are putting out, and often times we do not have an equal amount going back in to fuel us.

This can change on a daily basis, there are many days where I am able to fuel myself to recover for how much I put out. Sometimes, it's a matter of looking at it over a season. This past year - I was definitely putting out more than I was putting back into myself. And part of that is the cost of having children that are 24 months apart. Penny, my older daughter, became a three-nager and as mentioned before - my Ruby .... well, my Ruby has always had a spirit of her own and she made sure to establish that very early in life. Over a period of a few months it felt like I was treading water; getting enough food, barely enough sleep, drinking coffee to make up for it and finding ways that I can cope. I didn't have postpartum depression but it was definitely a task of finding a way to find a new normal.

So when this diagram was presented to me, a light bulb went off. That's what has been going on all this time. I had very effectively created a mama tribe of support, many of whom were available literally at all hours (thanks Facebook messenger), but what I really needed to take account for was my formula for happiness.

The speaker showed us another diagram of how to begin brainstorming ways to fuel ourselves. To keep it brief, people have four areas of basic need. Biological, psychological, social and spiritual. She encouraged us to come up with 5 ways we fuel ourselves (to make up for all the ways we put out) for each of the categories. This way when we take account for the imbalance on a daily, weekly or seasonal basis, we have a list of things to draw upon to help make ourselves feel more in balance.

Examples of fueling yourself:
///Biologically: eating, showering (it's amazing how therapeutic a good hot shower can be!), exercise
///Socially: date nights, play dates, taking a class
///Psychologically: counseling, book reading, journaling, meditation
///Spiritually: worship, bible study, meditation

There's an amazing amount of cross over for these groups as well. For me, Jesus permeates into each one of these categories. Meditation crosses over on several categories and I personally think that showering hits at least 2, sometimes 3, categories.

These concepts are going to drive my formula for happiness of self care for this year. Because a happy, healthy mama is a great mama, right?

How will you self care this year?
Did either of the diagrams help you?

Today's post has been sponsored by Gerber Good Start Formula. Each mama has her own journey of how she chooses to feed her baby and I'm excited to share about this ground breaking development from Gerber formula - Good Start is completely GMO free. Since becoming a parent myself, I have spent a lot of time making sure that the foods I feed my family are the best that we can afford. Not everything that we eat or drink is organic or non-GMO, but I do make sure to hit the important ones according to the Dirty Dozen list. Research shows that parents prefer foods made from non-GMO ingredients which is why Gerber not only make one single formula that is non-GMO, they made the whole line of Good Start formulas non-GMO to encourage consistent nutrition as your baby grows.

Guest Post: 3 Natural Cold & Flu Busters

Do you ever wish there was some way to naturally protect your family during cold and flu season? Before you rush out and get a flu shot, I’ve got some great tips to boost your immune system and fight off those pesky little germs!

But before I get into that, let me tell you a little about myself… My name is Erin Disch and I met Bianca through our local MOPs group! I am passionate about Jesus and the world, natural living, healthy cooking and all things artsy! I have been married for 13 years to my wonderful husband, Jimmy. I am a stay-at-home, homeschool mom to our three young boys. They are amazing and crazy and my house is never quiet, yet I wouldn’t change it for the world! I am so blessed!

Nearly 4 years ago, when I found out I was pregnant with our third child, I began seeing a naturopath doctor to help decrease my chances of developing severely high blood pressure that I had suffered from during my first two pregnancies. We had tinkered with several dietary things prior to this, but I would say this truly began our path to developing a natural lifestyle for our family. We switched to a clean eating, mostly organic diet, started exercising regularly (which I need to get back into the habit of doing again – ugh!), began seeking alternative medicine for health concerns, and eliminated chemicals in our home by switching to Norwex for cleaning. Along the way, I’ve learned a few tricks for helping our family to ward off, or at least shorten the length and severity of the cold and flu. Ready for the goods? OK. Here we go!

1.     Consume Plenty of Probiotics

Did you know that 70-80% of your immune system is housed in your intestines where a vast collection of bacteria live? Bacteria line your intestines and help your body to digest food. Eating too much sugar or processed foods and not enough fiber and vegetables, as well as taking antibiotics can cause your gut flora to get out of whack. It’s important to keep the good bacteria in your gut at a healthy level to improve your immune system. There are a few ways that you can incorporate probiotics into your diet to get and maintain a healthy gut. Choose any or all of these to help boost your body’s germ fighting ability!

·      Taking store bought probiotic supplements.

·      Eating cultured dairy products like yogurt, buttermilk, kefir, and raw milk.

·      Adding in fermented foods such as sauerkraut, pickles or other pickled vegetables.

·      Drinking kombucha, a fermented tea – my personal favorite! You can buy it for $3-$4 a bottle or make your own for much less moolah. I follow this method. My favorite is to flavor it with fresh lemon chunks and raspberries when I bottle it for the second ferment. It becomes fizzy and is a super healthy substitute for soda. My whole family enjoys a glass every day! My 3 year old even threw a temper tantrum a couple weeks ago at 9:30 at night (2 hours after he was in bed) because he “needed a little cup of kombuchaaaa!” Oh boy. That child... At least it’s a healthy request, right?

2.     Boost Your Immune System with Elderberry

Elderberries have been used for centuries as a folk remedy. They are packed with Vitamins A, D and C, antioxidants and bioflavonoids which can boost your immune system and protect your cells from being infected by cold and flu viruses!

Elderberry is usually taken as a tea or syrup. You can purchase elderberry syrup or make your own for far less money. I prefer to buy dried elderberries and make my own syrup. It’s as easy as simmering some dried elderberries in filtered water, straining them, and adding some raw honey once it cools a bit. Easy peasy.

This recipe is a powerhouse of immune boosting goodness! It includes fresh ginger, cinnamon and cloves. Ginger on its own can calm nausea, help inhibit the growth of bad bacteria and fight off rhinovirus, which can cause the common cold. Cinnamon is also great at fighting off various kinds of infections and has tons of antioxidants and polyphenols. Likewise, cloves have powerful antibacterial properties and can also help boost your immune system! Wahoo!

When I make mine, I prefer to simmer a couple of broken up cinnamon sticks and 5 whole cloves with the elderberries instead of ground spices so it doesn’t have the gritty texture of the ground spices in it. If you love ginger, the finer you mince it, the spicier it is. I keep mine in a mason jar in the fridge and we all take it daily during cold and flu season.

3.     Take Advantage of Essential Oils

If you haven’t jumped on the essential oil train yet, here’s the skinny… Essential oils are concentrated, volatile, aromatic liquids that are obtained from plants. These oils have been used for their aromatic and healing benefits for hundreds of years.

There are quite a few companies out there that sell essential oils. This is a great article comparing the top 10  essential oils and is a great resource when choosing which brand to purchase.  I personally use Plant Therapy oils, as I particularly like that they are high quality, fit my budget, and they have a whole line of “Kid Safe” synergies that, as the name suggests, are safe for use on children of all ages. Many people may not be aware that there are several oils that are not safe for children under 10, so please be careful which oils you choose to use.  I encourage you to do some research and determine what you feel is best for your family.

Once you have your essential oils, there are several methods by which you can incorporate essential oils into your medicinal arsenal.

·      Apply them topically being sure to dilute to a safe amount, as it is almost never safe to apply them undiluted. These single oils are great for fighting off germs, but there are also blends available from many oil companies. Again, please be safe with which oils you use on kids! I like to make roller bottles with fractionated coconut oil and Plant Therapy’s Germ Destroyer blend for our kids and the Germ Fighter blend (their version of Thieves) for my husband and I. We apply it to the bottoms of our feet, our chest and back when we are feeling under the weather.

·      Inhaling oils by putting a couple drops on your pillow, tissue or aromatherapy necklace, using an aromatherapy inhaler, putting a few drops in a bowl of steaming water and deep breathing in the vapors, or by diffusing them. Diffusers work by creating a fine mist of the essential oils and dispersing them in the air making them more easily absorbed by your lungs. I have this diffuser and really like it for in our bedroom or smaller living spaces. 

·      Ingesting them. Although many people do ingest oils, our family does not. According to Robert Tisserand, a leading expert in aromatherapy and essential oil safety, there can be long term risks associated with ingesting oils if you don’t “absolutely and totally know what you are doing.” Since I’m not a certified aromatherapist, I’ll stick to the other methods described above, just to be safe. But again, please look into this yourself and choose what you feel is safe for you!

So there you have it folks! I hope your family can benefit from incorporating one or more of these tricks into your home! Have a happy and healthy winter!

Catch the moment: Week 3

Well, this week was all catch up because I didn't spend any time on the computer while on vacation (imagine that?!) and then the rest of the week was a battle between recovering from the explosion of post-vacation and the girls and I got the crud that's been passed around. But I did manage to take my "real" camera out more!

Squirt has come a long way with the kids. When Penny was born he kept his distance because rather than petting him, she preferred to yank his fur. With baby #2, I think he's learned that they're not all so bad and sometimes they make decent companions. Typically when I'm done cooking I lay the bowls, pots or pans on the floor and let him get a taste (and do a little dishwasher prep for me). This evening Ruby came over to check it out too, and he bravely stood his ground and allowed her to peer on while he cleaned up.

I took this picture because it was Ruby's first day of going into childcare at MOPs. Until now she's snuggled with me in the Boba and napped for most of the time. Nowadays she has little tolerance for the Boba if I'm just sitting down so she'd prefer to crawl. I decided that we were both ready for her to be in the care of MOPPETs while I got my mama break time. The girls were so darling that morning; Penny dressed herself (in a dress that I absolutely love and kind of wish they made it in my size) and I ended up putting Ruby into this little tunic dress that I remember Penny wearing a lot. As it turned out, poor Ruby had skipped her 20 minute power nap before MOPs and while she put in a good effort, this time was not meant to be so she returned to spend the rest of the morning with me. 

We finally took the getaway vacation that I have been whining longing for. Adam had a supplier meeting in Vancouver BC scheduled on a Monday, so we drove up the weekend leading up to it to Whistler and stayed at a great condo. It was located right by the Whistler walking trail and it was a less than 5 minute walk to the ski lifts and sledding. No skiing for us this time around, but it was so much fun to get to play in the snow multiple times in one weekend. Read more: Whistler weekend

I am not a football fan. I really can't even convince myself to jump on the Seahawks band wagon...yea, I've got Seattle pride and I understand it's a huge accomplishment. But to step up onto a soapbox for a moment, I *hate* it when teams are called "brave" or "heroes." Really? I'm going to quickly step off the box before I get into too much trouble and instead tell you about how we spent a part of our vacation having a quiet afternoon, warming up from a morning of sledding (and rain) to snuggle and watch the Seahawks win the NFC championship. Maybe it wouldn't have been my choice of what to watch on TV, but I'm blessed that we got to do it together. 

The afternoon that Adam had his meeting in Vancouver, he dropped us off at the Vancouver Aquarium so that the girls and I had something to do. I just love aquariums! I had not been to the Vancouver Aquarium in probably 15 years and much has changed. My favorite animal to photograph is always jellyfish and seeing Penny discover that a beluga whale is in fact a real creature (not just one we sing about) was pure magic. Read more: Vancouver Aquarium

These little hens of mine. I try not to get too gushy and put them up on an honorable pedestal, but really...these girls rock. When you think about what an intense and intricate process it is to create and lay an egg (almost daily), you can't help but be thankful for this seemingly simple gift that they give my family daily. Chickens are easy to keep and will surprise you with all the benefits they provide. I'd like to remember to take a page from their book; because a chicken lays an egg regardless of whether her day was crappy or awesome. Whether she got the extra attention or if she snagged a juicy worm. Without fail she'll still do her job and be sure that the whole world knows about it with her egg-song of triumph after.

This girl's imagination is at full speed. She loves to pretend and this time I caught this little conversation: "Come on little ducklings! Stay with your mama and you will be just fine. The daddies are at work but they will be home soon. Let's go swimming. The water is not too deep, it is just fine. Stay close to your sisters and your brothers."  more: A Penny for your thoughts

Catch up on previous weeks: 

Catch the moment archives

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Being Brave

This morning was the start of the MOPs year and I left the meeting feeling refreshed and thoughtful. It's not often that I take the time to write so candidly; so bear with me while I free-write for a minute and pour a little bit of my soul into a cup for you.

This year's theme is Be You, Bravely. We started off the morning talking about ways that we are brave, things that have pushed us to be brave, dreams that we don't dare to share. How somehow in the midst of life we are waiting it live, instead of living it.

Couldn't have picked a better theme for this season of life for me.

Last year we a tough year for me to participate in MOPs, even though I loved the ladies at my table and made several friends. Penny was just too anxious about me leaving her in the care of the MOPPETS. Until I was pregnant with Ruby, Penny had barely spent several hours away from me, but always with a close family member. How could I expect her to be comfortable in a situation where I'm not there and leaving her in the care of strangers? We tried throughout the year, but it just didn't work. I learned that I must listen to my daughter; I don't want to be the kind of parent (and never have been) who forces their child to do something when they're so clearly not ready for it. So we took the backseat and this year I wanted to try again.

I started preparing Penny for this yesterday. I reminded her about how we'd get to play with the kids at church, how her friend Emmalyn will be there, and that I'd like her to try to be brave. I dropped her off in the care room where other 2 year olds played, introduced her to a very loveable great-grandma and left. I prayed for Penny's bravery and courage. I want my daughter to have fun and I need this time to re-coup as a mother.

I met my new table of MOPs moms, several of which who I met last year and also new faces that I'm excited to get to know. We talked about how are we brave, what are our dreams. Mine, no surprise, was to get this house renovation done and to rest with my family. We've been experiencing so much pull in opposite directions in getting the renovations done vs spending time together. My husband getting help with the renovations vs me getting help with the kids. I am so ready for there to be a balance, for the renovation to be complete. That is my dream for this year, and my goal is to find the bravery to make this dream become a reality.

How can I learn from the lesson in bravery that I'm trying to teach Penny and apply this to succeeding in my dream? How can I be brave and serve my family in getting the projects done that we need to do while balancing actually living life? Will I have the courage to take on extra work, even though I'm dog tired at the end of the day, to get this project done?

Tell me - What are your dreams for this season, and how will you be brave to accomplish them?