Thursday, June 8, 2017

10 End of Pregnancy Memes

Ahh, that delightful final month of pregnancy. That time where you are finely balanced between feeling like a Mother Earth Goddess and some kind of mammal wallowed in a tar pit (that is your bed). All women experience the "end of pregnancy" jitters; where we personally ask ourselves every minute of every day if today is going to be that day, how much longer do we think we'll be pregnant for, how will this labor go down, what are we going to do with our children and family members...the list goes on.

And, also, pretty much every woman goes through the very infamous end of pregnancy rite - the endless barrage of well meaning "how are you feeling?" and "are you in labor yet?" questions.

So as an ode to you, fellow mamas in the home stretch, a compilation of end of pregnancy and labor memes for you.

Your friends do their best and just stalk your facebook profile for newborn pics, like normal people. But when it's a soon-to-be-grandparent, suddenly you are the most interesting thing in their lives and not only are you getting the non-chalant "so how's your day been?" you also get the frantic response of "is everything ok??" when you call them just to ask how their day is going. Because you are the one who is waiting on a baby, possibly quite bored and wanting to get out of your own head for a few minutes. Ladies and Gents (particularly grandmas and grandpas), this is why women start leaving their phones in different rooms at the end of their pregnancies. Our phone is blowing up daily with dozens of well-meaning check ins. So don't freak out when it's been 12 hours since we've responded to your text, m'kay?

And this is the look on my face when I get those well-meaning texts and PMs.

This is my third pregnancy and let me tell you - the logistics of birth are crazy no matter what. But when you combine your schedule, your partner's schedule, your birth team's schedule and on top of that have to consider where your other children are going to be during that time.. Oh man. Did I tell you that my husband and I have like 6 contingency plans based on what time of day, or which day, I go into labor? Who will be available at what time to pick up the kids? Who is "on call" all day and night?

I'll just leave it at that.

I'm 39 weeks, with what feels like my largest baby. My own body is certainly larger than it ever has been, and while I'm totally ok with that and am working on channeling my inner-birth-goddess vibe...sometimes I catch myself in the mirror and do a double take.

Any mama who has had extended pre-dromal labor knows all about this. My baby #2 gave me start-stop labor for a week consistently from 1-4am every night. Turns out - the cord was a little short so she was getting hung up a little bit. Finally I went to my birth center and told my midwives that I'm not going home without a baby.

This was me last night. I was exactly 39 weeks, which gestationally was the same day that my first born was born. I pulled out all of my tricks - mowed the lawn, ate a whole pineapple, had spicy Thai curry for dinner, got my membranes swept, took a long, vigorous family walk. Dreamed about labor all night long. Did that baby come? Nooooooooooope.

This is going to be my go-to response if I go past my due date. Thanks, Dwight. You've always got the right answer for everything.

Poor orangutans! They seem to get the short end of the stick when it comes to pregnancy memes.

We're all feeling that way. So if you could just sit back, let me go into labor the way my body and birth team intend, that'd be greaaaaaaaaaat.

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