Tuesday, March 13, 2012

My little star has arrived

10 days ago, I brought Penelope into this world.

Penelope was born on March 3 2012 and what a surprise she was. I was exactly 39 weeks pregnant - and was not in any way prepared to have a baby that weekend. We were 2 hours away from the birth center, I had just packed my birth center bag but still just wasn't feeling it. This little girl had plans of her own.

Her birth was so peaceful and joyous, I couldn't have asked for a better experience. In a matter of a few hours I realized what exactly it means to be a mom. I am, without a doubt, this little person's everything. I'm responsible for putting food in her tummy, keeping her bottom clean and her tiny hands and feet warm. Her little life has rocked mine, and it sounds so cliche - but I really didn't see what life was about until I met her.

Penelope has taught me (or maybe I should say, is teaching me!) how to live life without an agenda. I am a stereotypical planner. I rule my day out according to a grid of paths that can fork in any direction and I always have a back up plan.  Today, it really hit me - none of that shit matters anymore. Why would I rush through my day? Why would I try to get through a feeding as quickly as possible? So I can get back to facebook? Please. I'd rather sit and stare at her beautiful face for hours, and not ever get bored.

As a result of her natural drop in birth weight in the first 48 hours, I became maniacal about keeping track of how often I was feeding her, how long it took, exactly down to the minute in which she pooped last.  And it's not like her birth weight dropped to the point of true concern - I just needed to keep track of everything for my sanity. Was it to prove to everyone that I'm doing everything I can? I think today I really reached a turning point. It doesn't matter exactly how long she nursed for. It's a good idea to keep track when was the last time she did, but my job as her mama is to feed her, and putting a timer on it won't change if she's hungry at the end or not. I don't need to care to keep up with the world anymore. She's all I need right now, because that's what I am to her.

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