How to Survive When Your Spouse Travels (and you've got the kids)

When Adam took his new position this past October one of the unexpected aspects of his job has been increased travel time. As the "natural gas expert" for his company, he is expected to oversee many of the projects in this relatively new area of development within his company which means traveling every so often. Add on attending conventions and other events where he gains more knowledge and networks within his field and we've got a frequent flyer on our hands. I traveled every so often for my job when we were pre-kids and although it was sometimes difficult to be away from each other for short periods of time, nothing prepared us for how children would make the separation more challenging. Coordinating bed times, meal preparation and just plain getting support and a bit of a break are all affected when he has to travel for work. So how does one cope? Here are a few of my learned lessons and input from Pierogie Mama readers too!

1. Reconnect a few times per day. This can be via a phone call, face time, Skype, or even exchanging a few wordless picture texts. This helps the traveller know that you miss them, keeps them in the loop of your day and connects your kids with the parent that they miss.

2. Jenne says "adjust your expectations. It is not practical or healthy to expect to be able to do everything with only one person running the show." We all try to be strong when our spouse is gone, right? I know I certainly try to fill in all the roles I can when he's away. What I quickly learned is just how burned out and cranky I became with my kids and that there simply is no way that I could continue to run our lives as it is when both parents are home. So cut back, even for a short period of time, and give yourself some slack. So the laundry sits for a few extra days or meals aren't up to par. It'll be back to normal in a few days :)

3. Help the kids understand what the separation means within their development level. Penny recently watched the Pixar movie "Planes" and is very much enamored with Dusty. When we were dropping Adam off at the airport we told her that he's going on a ride on Dusty and that Dusty will bring him home soon. I also pulled out a large map and put a sticky note with a drawing of our home where we are, and a cartoon of Daddy at his destination. We'd also sit in the room where the map is when we call, and we'd talk about where we are and where Daddy is.

4. Sneak a few goodies into the traveler's bag. Their favorite snack, a note stuffed into a sock, a new magazine, or even have your children send off a prized possession knowing that it'll be home soon. Gretchen suggests "We prepare by sending notes and surprises with daddy and he tries to leave behind the same."

4. Find helping hands. I take myself and the kids down to my parents house during my husband's travel. The extra hands are great, and it gives the kids some grandparent time. I always make sure that I sneak in a late afternoon nap while both girls are distracted by Babcia and Vovo ;) If family isn't available for a visit, think about scheduling play dates where you meet at your house and your girlfriend watches the kids while you chat and catch up on chores or asking if you can drop the kids off with her for an hour or two while you give yourself a break.

5. Start a tradition. This can be going out for ice cream half way through the travel, a trip to the zoo, read a special book or end each evening with a light hearted movie. This helps give yourself and the kids something to look forward to during the period of separation. We're not looking to throw a party once your spouse walks out the door, but it does help ease a bit of the loneliness by giving yourself something fun and rewarding for all the extra responsibilities on your plate for this time. At the start and end of each nap and bedtime I tell Penny how many sleeps are left until Daddy comes home, and by the end of the trip she'll be asking me before I'd even mention it!

6. Maintain traditions and routines too; Amy says "My husband does the whole bedtime routine each night so we try to call him around then and my son will read my husband a story on face time." Adam typically reads Penny her bed time stories, so when he is away I pull out our special recordable book that plays him reading a special story to her.

Travel for work is not easy for families; whether it's deployment, consistent or inconsistent travel. Each scenario has it's own set of issues that the parent staying behind and the travelling parent have to navigate through - but the important thing is to recognize where the difficulty lies and how you two can work together as a team to solve the problem.

How do you make it through a business trip when your spouse is away? 

Penny was born in the water (My first birth story)

Today my oldest is 2 years old :) What a great journey it has been!

Prior to becoming pregnant I never really gave my birth options much thought. It was just something that I'd take care of when the time comes and one of my greatest influences in choosing a natural, waterbirth were from two co-workers who had both of their sons at home and my good friend Gretchen, as I followed along her natural parenting journey on her blog for about a year leading up to my pregnancy.

The experiences from these three women sparked my fire in researching why I'd want to have an unmedicated birth, at a free standing birth center, with a midwife and in the water. In addition to the great amount of research that I did (I highly suggest watching The Business of Being Born and reading any Ina May book if you are interested), one of the very best ways that I was able to prepare myself for birth was to read lots of birth stories. Each story is different and provided a new clue into what I could expect to happen or prepare for. Having never witnessed a birth personally, this was the closest I could do to beginning to understand what it might be like.

Our society permeates a lot of fear when it comes to birth. The media portrays birth as this dramatic scene where emergencies run rampant, women scream in agony and tell their "war stories" afterwards. As if for some reason scaring another woman about birth is what proves that you are strong. On the contrary, I believe that a birth free of fear is the most courageous act and is the best for mother and child. Which is why I want to share mine with you today. This story is very precious to my heart and I love to share it. 

The part that I'm the most impressed about with Penny's birth story is that it went exactly how I wanted it to be. This has made me wonder a lot during the preparations for Ruby's birth because who knows how the second time will go. I feel confident in my ability to handle labor pains but the whole unknown about it all is kind of driving me nuts!

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On Thursday March 1 I had my 38 week appointment with one of my two midwives. This birth center has two attending midwives and I met with each one equally so that depending whoever was on call, my husband and I had already gotten to know her and she understood our wishes. The midwife, Constance asked if I would like to be checked to see how far along I was, which I happily agreed to. A quick check showed that I was at 3cm. I was elated, but Constance cautioned that it still wasn’t likely to happen soon but that I probably wouldn’t carry to 41 weeks. That day I came home, finished packing the rest of my birth bag, prepared our cameras and tried to get a few projects done. I began to experience some lower back pain, lost some of the mucus plug, and rested that evening with Adam (who came home from work early). That evening I lost the rest of the plug in the middle of the night.

The next day, Friday, Adam went to work and I puttered around the house feeling great. My mom mentioned that the babybump looked lower but I didn’t feel any difference. I called Constance letting her know that I had lost the plug, and asked her opinion of whether I should go anywhere this weekend (side story: we are in the process of selling our home and at the time we were staying with my parents for the end of my pregnancy. This way the house was available for walk throughs at any time and I was getting support while my husband was at work). We planned to drive to our house to finish up some projects, which is a two hour drive from my parents’ house and the birth center that I was going to deliver at. All we needed to get done was clean the house and we were planning on listing it the following week. Constance was confident that we’d be ok, and even if I went into labor I was only a few hours away. So Adam and I drove down and made it there around 7:00p. Adam finished a few projects and I rested on the couch. We went to bed around 10:00p and I still felt completely normal.

At midnight I woke up and felt what I thought was a contraction. I waited a few more minutes, and another one came. Then they started being very consistently 3 minutes long, 7-10 minutes apart. Adam and I decided that if this continues to be consistent (no matter what the length) for an hour that it would be smart to pack up and drive to the birth center. I kept track of the contractions until 1:00a and we found that they were indeed consistent so it was time to go. Adam quickly packed up the dogs and our things into the Volvo and away we went. At that point, the contractions were uncomfortable but very tolerable. I also reminded myself that I had a 2 hour ride ahead of me so I needed to keep calm!

At 1:30a we were on the road and Adam turned on the hazards and very calmly drove 80mph until we saw we were coming up onto a sheriff. I told him to slow down, we don’t need the extra attention, but he decided to risk it and sped past. He started pulling over before the sheriff even turned on his lights. He approached the car, asked us why we were speeding, to which Adam and I both replied “I am (she is) in labor.” He asked if we were going to the local hospital, and Adam said no, we’re going to our birth center, about two hours away. The sheriff begins to launch into a lecture about how we can’t be speeding and that if we are going to be driving like that we either need to call an ambulance (and deliver locally) or he has to write us a ticket. I had grown very impatient at this point, as another contraction was coming, and told him to either write us a ticket or let us go, because I’m not having my baby in a hospital!! I’m pretty sure he’s not accustomed to being so directly spoken to, and he took Adam’s license to run it. A few minutes passed, and when he came back he started in on another lecture about driving safely but that he’s going to us go. We called Constance and my parents on the way to let them know we were coming home.

We arrived in Lacey around 3 am and my contractions were at the “5-1-1” rule (5 minutes apart, lasting one minute for one hour). We called Constance, and she said to wait until I was to the point where I was not able to speak anymore and that Adam would have to call for me. The contractions were still very tolerable during the drive, but as soon as we came to the house I was no longer as chipper. I took a shower and was only able to find comfort by bending over the edge of the bed and having Adam rub my back or provide counter pressure. Finally at 5a I decided it was time to go and we snapped one last picture (boy did I look enthused) and got to the birth center as fast as we could, my mom followed in her car. This time around, the contractions were not very tolerable in the car. The main way I found that I could cope with the pain was to keep writing my contractions down. When we got to the birth center, I think we actually beat Constance and Lisa (the apprentice) so we had to wait a few minutes for the door to open.

I was brought into the birthing room of my choice, which was “the yellow room.” It welcomed a lot of natural light, and I knew that I’d have her during the day at this point, and the bed in this room was higher so I was able to continue to labor in the same way as I had at home. This didn’t last very long, because Lisa’s job was to keep track of the baby’s heart beat and the simple act of gently pressing the monitor to my belly sent me into contractions, which for this first check she had to hold it there for 10 straight minutes. I became very intolerant after 2. Constance invited me to the tub and as soon as I climbed in, I felt a lot better. The water wasn’t as hot as I thought it would be, but it was a lot easier to move around. I had a hard time finding a position to actually have some control in, but soon just draped my arms over the side of the tub and rested on a hip. 

Adam and my mom alternated between holding my arms, hand, or wiping my face with a cold wash cloth. The wash cloth was a life saver, not necessarily for keeping my face cool but following the motion as it was wiped on my face was a distraction. Each time I thought I couldn’t go any further, Adam was right there telling me that I was doing great and that I could do it. He consistently reminded me of my beauty, strength and the amazing feat I was doing for us.

Shortly after getting into the water, Constance checked and announced that I was at 5cm. Lisa diligently would check the baby’s heart rate, but after 3 or 4 times I began to realize that the check was in fact sending me into contractions (in this case, a double load of contractions because she couldn’t check me during a contraction, so she would have to wait until one passed and try, which of course would start it up again) and I had my first outburst in labor - I distinctly remember telling this poor girl not to dare touch me and to keep ‘that thing’ away from me. She took it well, explained why it was needed, and I was able to regain composure but I was grumpy. From then on she was nice enough to give me a heads up a contraction ahead of time so I was able to better prepare myself. The only other outbursts I can recollect was when my water broke, I thought I had pee’d myself and lamented over the humility of it, and another time where I needed water, so my mom got up to get some, and I immediately screamed for her to come back and hold my hand.

At some point Constance gave me the encouragement to get on my knees to try to open up my hips more. I was afraid to move, but Adam was able to convince me to try. Constance checked me again and announced how low her head was, and that I should be able to feel it very shallowly. This gave me such a surge of enthusiasm; my labors were working and my girl was coming. This was no drill. No going back, not getting sent home. I was here to stay until she got here. I remember telling Adam not to not be afraid.

Soon I became impatient. I had felt her head, knew it was right there, and wanted her out. I knew that from here on out, it wasn’t going to be just my body doing the work for me, but that I needed the willpower to get her out. But I didn’t have the urge to push. I asked Constance if I should only push when I had the urge, and she said that I should, but the urge really didn’t come. I moved into a position where I was kneeling and would push down with my hands on my thighs and try to make the urge to push come. I started pushing without the urge. I begged my body for the urge to bear down. Finally the urge came, and hands down was the most terrifying feeling of my entire life. Even though I had hoped and wished so hard for this feeling to come, when it did I felt myself trying so hard to hold it back. I was terrified that literally all of my organs were going to come out. I was beginning to get very tired and would actually be able to fall asleep between contractions. For almost the entire labor I kept my eyes closed, but a few times that I did have them open I would focus on a droplet of water just hanging from my arm, playing a game with myself of whether the droplet would fall first or my contraction would end.

Adam and I recollect that I pushed about a dozen times. After the first half, I did begin to feel tears and knew the ring of fire was coming. I was still in the kneeling position, and Constance encouraged me to get on my knees and use Adam as support, so I put my arms on his shoulders and pushed my head into my mom’s hands. I think I pushed twice this way, and although I felt like I was getting somewhere, I was tearing and it was time to turn over. In this position I felt so out of control because of not having a place to brace my legs to help push.

I knew the end was near when I opened my eyes and saw a stranger in the room. To this point and the best of my knowledge, it had only been myself, Adam, my mom, Constance and Lisa in the birth center. Now there was another person there, not in scrubs, preparing something. I demanded who this person was, and at first no one knew what I was talking about (I began to think I was hallucinating). The woman came over and I saw that she was someone who I had met before at an appointment. She explained that she was the birth assistant and also a midwife.

She helped Constance put on some long gloves so that she can check me, help with the stretching and I think that the baby had to be shifted into a better position. I had asked if she was facing posterior or anterior, she was anterior (I’m sure we would have known earlier because I would have experienced back labor, but all of my labor was felt between my belly button and pubic bone). I asked Constance how many more pushes I had to give, I knew I was so close but with now in the sitting position, facing forward, being impatient and tired (and deep down knowing that I never felt like I had to push but pushed anyways), I just wanted a number. She couldn’t, she said soon, I joked that she always was so qualitative and I wanted quantitative. I asked was it six more times, and she said likely 2-3, maybe even 1-2. This gave me so much encouragement, but again I got scared. I pleaded for her help, and whatever she did, whether it was by physical manipulation or her encouraging eyes, I got the baby’s head out.

I took a small break, asked if it was ok to push the rest of her out, and closed my eyes and out Penelope came.

Immediately she was put on my chest; I saw a baby but didn’t realize who it was. I felt the vernix on my hands, saw and felt a little wiggly body, but still didn’t get it. I looked back at Adam and asked him if this was our daughter, and he joyfully said yes. A small wet towel was placed on her to keep her warm, and Constance asked when I wanted the cord cut. I said that I wanted her to get whatever else she needed to get from it, and we waited a few minutes. The instruments were brought over, and it was determined that someone was to cut it. Adam and I had spoken about this a couple times during the pregnancy, if he was going to cut the cord or catch her, but never came to a decision. Constance ended up catching her, but I asked Adam to cut her cord. It was a very short cord, I could feel that it had to be pulled a little bit to bring the baby to my chest and then some more to get the two clamps on it. I watched Adam very gingerly bring the scissors over, and pause. I asked Constance if the cord has nerves in it, because I knew he was afraid of hurting me or Penelope. It took three snips, and Penelope was now separate from me for the first time in her life. 

Moving!

So if you've been reading along for the last 9ish months or so, you've probably heard me mention that we've been living in limbo somewhat. To bring you up to speed, about a year ago Adam accepted a position which relocated us 3 hours north of where we owned our home that we had been renovating. He started at that job, while I stayed down south and finished working at my job until I went on maternity leave. In February, while our house was put on the market, we made the semi-permanent move north with my parents (the hubs *hates* it when I say "we live with my parents" but is there a different way to put it? not really.). This put our new home base about 1 1/2 hours south of where Adam works.

Then, in September OUR HOUSE SOLD and very soon after we had our offer in on a house that is much closer to his work. It listed as a foreclosure and was outside of our price range but it had been on the market for about a year and hadn't had any offers. So we suuuuuuuper lowballed it with little expectation to be taken seriously. But, we were and after a few counter offers we agreed upon a price. We learned that we were negotiating with a bankruptcy trustee who was in charge of the estate.  We were even given a closing date. We prepared to move into our new home and then were hit out of left field. The house was not a foreclosure - but a short sale. The price we negotiated with the trustee was not the final say and that the bank hadn't even seen the offer yet. That closing date we were given - completely fabricated. At least it feels that way. There isn't any other way to explain it. Somewhere, someone (likely the listing agent) dropped the ball. Who lists a house as a foreclosure and allows an offer to go through as such and then 2 weeks before the closing date have something like this fall through the cracks?

We were told that the new plan is to wait til November 30th, where our offer will be brought to bankruptcy court for the bank to see our offer. Then we were told that it could be another 120 days until we hear a final decision. Frustration does not even begin to explain it.  (2 second rant: WHY oh WHY can't there be like 10 routes for buying/selling homes? Why does each and every transaction have to be unique??)

Then we got the bright idea to see if the bank would be willing to rent us the property - after all, the house had been vacant for a long time and our personal interest in moving in (beyond having our own space) was that winter is coming - and the heat had been turned off long ago. Because we are under contract to purchase this home, it is in our best interest to keep that house safe during the winter.

So we proposed the idea and were quickly hooked up with the property manager who works for the bank and we negotiated a rental agreement and guess what? WE MOVED IN YESTERDAY!

Oh man. Words cannot explain how great it was! What made it even better was that typically Adam and I have very bad luck when having to deal with contracted work (such as our kitchen designer, title companies - on 3 counts - sellers/buyers, etc) but this time - everything went so smoothly. The movers were professional, polite and careful with our stuff, we got the water and electrical back up and running as it should. The house warmed up quickly and after cleaning up the floors, we let Penelope crawl around and explore her new home, while Adam and I basked in gratitude and accomplishment.

Penny and Daddy walking the property

This move was very last minute (like - less than 12 hours notice) so there was quite a bit that we left behind at my parents' (namely, the dogs!). I'll be here through the end of the week, finalizing our packing and we'll all be back up at the house this weekend. BIG SIGH of happiness. I even found my Christmas decorations - I'm totally putting them out before Thanksgiving.

It's a really weird position to be in, to rent one's home prior to owning it. Basically we've been told to expect sometime in early Spring for a closing date. It's even stranger because we're big DIY'ers - we renovate for fun. However, we won't be touching this house until it is ours.

And so there you have it. A little over a year and we're back to "normal life," as I call it. I'll be posting pictures soon... blogging will be somewhat intermittent because we don't have internet at the house yet, and apparently it is rural enough that Comcast/Century Link etc don't service out there (??? but it's really not THAT rural!).

A year ago (October 2011)

Thinking back to what we were up to a year ago is sort of my way of always keeping life in perspective. And October of 2011 was a serious pivot point in our lives.

For the first part of the month we took an 11 day "babymoon."  We hadn't really planned it in advance, but took advantage of our stockpile of airmiles and found a great deal on a Mediterranean cruise. We had enough airmiles to fly first class - to say it was amazing would be an understatement. I was in the beginning of my second trimester and sitting was becoming a little uncomfortable sometimes.  On Trans-Atlantic flights, the seats are set up to recline far enough to be a bed. Bliss for this then-pregnant mama. We flew to Barcelona, hung out for a few days and then took a week long cruise along the Mediterranean down Italy's west coast. Our ports included Florence, Rome, Naples and Palma de Majorca. Our favorite by far was Naples, because we visited the archaeological site of Pompeii and took a drive down the absolutely gorgeous Amalfi coast to the town of Sorrento. I was 17 weeks pregnant and just crossed the bridge to where food tasted good again.. Just in time! You can read more about our trip here. Oh, and my favorite facebook status from the entire trip: "While waiting for the first leg of our flight, which is from Seattle to LA, I asked Adam if he thinks we'll get food in first class on such a short flight. He says "I don't know but I certainly expect an ice sculpture." Ahhh, the life.

During our trip I felt Pierogie's kicks for the first time! They felt like soft little waves, similar to what you feel underwater at the pool.

We found out that our little Pierogie is... a girl! I was so ecstatic! Our chinese gender chart pointed towards us having a boy, and of course I was going to be happy either way, but I wanted a little girl deep down in my heart. Our family was going through a bit of a baby boom and out of about 10 kids born, Penny was one of two girls.

On Halloween Adam started his new job and moved 3 hours away from home. Our plan was for me to continue working at my job until I took maternity leave. It just didn't make sense to quit a good job half way through my pregnancy and try to find a new job in the Seattle area when ultimately I planned on being a stay at home mom. Adam alternated his weeks staying with different family members and drove home on weekends to be with the dogs and I, so that we could finish working on our house. It wasn't easy, but we both saw the long term benefits of going this route so we stuck it out.

A year ago (September 2011)

Isn't it fun to look back and see where you were a year ago? I'll admit, I actually had to use the stupid facebook timeline feature to get an idea of what was going on in my life at the time. Can't say it was a very busy month, but it was full of big changes!

A year ago, this month I...

Was 13 weeks pregnant with our Pierogie, and shared our big news with the facebook world.

Welcomed my 3rd nephew that was born in 2011 on Sept 1 - Little Zeke.

One year to the date of when we moved into our new home and literally tore it apart, my husband accepted an offer on a new job that would relocate us over 3 hours away from the home we had spent the last year renovating - which launched us into the last 11 months of our LAT relationship.

Thirsty and Hungry.. What gives?

When a mama's body knows, a mama's body knows, right? For the last week, I've been extra thirsty, hungry for protein and fiber, and on a whim started taking fenugreek again. I didn't feel like I was getting low in supply, but just felt like I should take some.

Then, towards the end of last week, Penny started acting not quite like her usual joyous self. A little more whiny, needy, pushy, grabby, chompy. Bored easily. Nap and sleep schedules were a little off, too. I figured that we had been traveling a lot, been out and about during the day and it was just taking its toll. Heck, it was taking it's toll on all three of us. Adam did the math and he's commuted (via car or bus) over 30,000 miles in the last 10 months. He is tired. So I decided that that this past weekend would be a break for our little family and hopefully everyone would feel rejuvenated afterwards.

It helped, but not as much as I had hoped it would. Penny is still "off." I've come to the realization that teething isn't as much to blame for it as I've been thinking.. The little sugar is on a growth spurt. I don't know why I ignored the signs, but cluster feeding sessions from this morning is what finally turned the light bulb on for me.

What truly amazes me is that my body knew before my mind would accept it. It's so convenient that my body and hers are still so in tune with each other, even after the separation of birth. I've read a few posts in the last week or so that exemplified this connection, Lautaret Bohemiet's being my favorite. In Western culture we try to disconnect the mind and body so much, to the point where we just don't trust or listen to our body's cues. Some might think it's a bunch of psychic mumbo jumbo, but I'm a believer.  There's stuff going on beneath the surface that we aren't acutely aware of, but our body is working away 24/7.

the remains

One of the things I've been craving this past week were avocados (but, lets face it, I'll eat avocados any day, I don't need craving to be an excuse). So in a hurry, I pulled this recipe out of my Nyam Pinterest board and whipped it up for lunch today. It was whipped so quickly and efficiently, there was no time for pictures to justify one of my Pinterest Summer Recipe Challenge posts.

On that note, tonight's dinner is BBQ Pork Pizzas, with dough made from scratch and the pork roasted at a friends' party over the weekend. Again, not a Pinterest Summer Recipe Challenge post, but I hope that it will be worthy of some bragging about later ;)

Changing it up: A reprieve from our LAT relationship

As many of you know, Adam and I haven't quite been "living together" in the traditional sense since October 31st - when I was 21 weeks pregnant.
He accepted a new position as a design engineer that would eventually relocate us almost 4 hours away from our home. Our *almost* completed renovation. In short, this decision was made for the long term benefits - the number one reason being that he would now have work benefits. Other reasons included this being a position that he was more interested in and we'd be placed roughly in between both of our families. You can read more about our annoucement here.
In the interim, because I was pregnant, we decided that I would stay back, finish working at my current job, and he would work up north. We'd finish our renovation and sell the house. As the due date got closer, we'd stay at my parents' house and I'd deliver in my hometown and once the house sold we'd get our own place closer to Adam's new work. Meanwhile, Adam would divide his time between staying with us (and absorbing a horrendous daily commute) and staying closer to work with friends and family.

Well, for those of you keeping track, Penny is now almost 4 months old and we've been more or less living apart for about 8 months.
Then, a couple weeks ago we were presented with a wonderful opportunity by Adam's cousin to stay at her apartment while she takes an internship out of state for 6 weeks. This shortens Adam's commute to about 30 minutes and we get to see each other like a normal couple every night! Hallelujah!  We made the move on Monday and I've spent the last few days organizing. The apartment building is really nice, with a beautiful courtyard and a cafe that serves wine, beer, sandwiches and gelato. We are so looking forward to this break, back to 'real life,' as I call it.

Believe it or not, the "married but living apart," or "living apart together / LAT" situation is not uncommon for couples these days. Most of the time it's for financial/career choices, such as they both have high powered careers in different cities, or they can't get jobs in the same commuting radius. Sometimes it's because they go to different colleges. Sometimes their lifestyles are so different that they'd just rather not share a home, but are in a committed relationship. I learned out this idea in my Sociology of Marriage and Family course in college, and never once thought that I'd be a part of this small, yet growing, demographic. In a really interesting study by the National Institute of Health (and yes, this is a real study, not just the reuter's boiled down version of it), young people are more likely than older people to be in LAT relationships, most often living with other adults such as their parents.  They are also more likely to have a college education than their cohabitating (married or not) cohorts.  For others, it's simply a lifestyle choice.  In a lifestyle article, an older couple interviewed preferred it because they were able to keep their independant lives, routines and finances. They likened it to being "on a first date" after a few days apart. For younger couples, they are more likely to live together in the future, which suggests that this is just a step in the process, rather than a lifestyle choice.

If a sociologist were to knock on our door today and ask me why we are choosing not to live together, first off I'd jump for joy that I'm being included in a sociological study (my degree is in Soc), and for reals my answer would be our choice can be categorized as due to work/financial reasons. We want to sell our home before picking up another mortgage or lease. Living apart, but still together, allowed Penelope and I to have a stable environment where I was supported during the end of my pregnancy, post partum and acclimation to becoming a new mama.  Adam toughed it out and divided his time between staying with family (closer to his new job) or commuting the sometimes 2-4 hour drive back to where Penny and I were. Although this has been a blow to our social life together, we've been able to maintain financial stability during this transition and in so many ways our relationship has grown stronger.  I don't recommend it for fun, but I can say that with hard work from both partners it's possible to come out happier in the end.

What are your thoughts? To be clear, I'm talking about couples who are in

long-term relationships where they see a future; versus trial-separations or friends with benefits.

How does it affect family when mom and dad don't live together (not a divorce or separation issue)?
Are you still considered a couple if you share different households (beyond the dating relationship)?

Have you ever been in a period where you are in a LAT relationship? How did it affect you?