Holden's Birth Story

This birth story is one that's taken me about two months to process. It was a strangely intense but sobering experience; it wasn't what I was expecting for my third natural birth.

Two points to preface; I had my two previous children unmedicated, in the water, at stand alone birth centers. Click over and you can read Penny's and Ruby's. Throughout my pregnancy my midwife, who is a mother of four, mentioned that third babies tend to be a total gambit. Their births are so different from the previous two and from any future babies. I waited, curiously, to see how that would unfold. The second point, which I mention in full anonymity but want to include it in my story because it made a bigger impact on me than I had expected. The evening before I went into labor I learned that a friend had lost her precious baby girl to SIDS.

In the early morning of 40 weeks and 3 days I went into labor after having a bit of prodomal labor for the past week. That previous night my husband's aunt had arrived to stay with us for a week and I took a bath before bed. At 3:40am I was awoken by 90 second contractions that were spaced about 3-4 minutes apart. I probably had been laboring in my sleep and it was the real ones that woke me up. They weren't painful; they caught my attention and given my very fast birth with Ruby - I wanted my midwife to know right away.  My waters had broken but it wasn't a gush as it had been with my first birth. My midwife, Eloisa, agreed that it would be a good idea to carefully pack up and head over. My bag had already been ready for a few weeks, so all we needed to do was pack a few last minute essentials, tell "Nana" that we were headed out.  Let me tell you what a huge relief it is when you are in labor and you know your other children are well taken care of and they don't even need to be moved. When they would awake that morning, they would already be big sisters!

It was about 5:00 am on that Saturday morning when we drove the 20 minutes to my stand alone birth center; The Bellingham Birth Center in Bellingham, WA. My contractions weren't making me anxious. In fact, I was pretty damn chill. Chill enough to ask my husband to stop at the closest coffee stand to get us lattes and muffins. We laughed, said "#3rd baby!" What a difference this was from our first birth; when we got pulled over by a police officer and I yelled at him to either give us a ticket or to let us go...

We pulled in to the birth center at 5:30 and checked in. It's a small historic home that was tastefully converted into a birth center and a very comforting place to me. It has two birth suites and I could hear that there was another mama-to-be laboring in the other room - which was a first for me, in all of my appointments and hours of labor and post-partum through 3 children to be in the birth center while another mama was actively laboring. It is interesting to hear another woman in labor! Unfortunately for this mama, she was sent home a little later. She came in a bit too early.

Eloisa let us settle in and my husband hooked up my cell phone to their stereo and turned on the Pandora station we had been jamming out to lately (Mumford and Sons). I paced and sat on the bed while Eloisa prepped her paperwork too. I was feeling great, calm and relaxed. I was already pleased that this wasn't a "drop everything and run" kind of birth that I was preparing myself for. I was at the birth center, in the place that I wanted to have my son, and I was content. Whatever else was thrown at me - I'm fine. In retrospect, I was too comfortable and fine!

I pace some more, leaking my waters and working through contractions that were becoming more intense. But I quickly was able to overcome that discomfort and whatever position or action that I was doing would quickly become tolerable. Eloisa thought it would be worthwhile to check where I was at, and we discovered that my cervix was pulled back a bit, which was not helping baby boy get into the best position. She had me straddle the birth stool and during a contraction she pulled my cervix forward to help. No surprise, this was not my favorite thing to do, and I believe she had to do it two or three more times during the course of my labor.

Pretty soon I was over pacing, leaning over a couch arm and using the birth stool. I had my daughters in the water and I was wanted to get in. So I labored there for several hours...and AGAIN it was just too comfortable! My dear friend That Mama Gretchen had given me some protein cookies that I stashed into my labor bag so those got brought out and they were amaze-balls (G - I will be needing that recipe!). I asked my husband to send her a text just to emphasize how delicious they were. So there I was, relaxing in the birth tub, laughing, eating cookies and contracting a bit. The perfect image of a mother in labor, right? No. I wasn't getting anywhere!

As I process this experience I know that this stall in my labor was because of the position of my cervix and because of my emotional state. I wasn't excited, I was calm. Peaceful. Patient. Too patient. I don't feel like my head was in the game. I didn't push myself to make the contractions more intense because I didn't want him to come too soon. I knew my body would do what it needed to do. But a question that I ask myself often is "where was my heart in all of this?"

Around noon Eloisa gave me a couple homeopathics to encourage more labor and I used a sling in which I hung my upper body on and lunged through contractions using a stool. For my second birth I had done something similar just doing lunges on the edge of the outside of the tub. Angry contractions for a few minutes, and again - I adapted and it wasn't working anymore.

The final try was to lay on my side in the bed with three pillows stacked between my knees; around noon. WOW that was working! And with vengeance! I lost track of time, but got into the mode of labor where I contracted hard and slept for the couple minutes between contractions. Eloisa gave me some saline to help boost me along. Finally I began roaring through my contractions and I knew it was time to start pushing. And push I tried.

Nothing was happening.

I know the feeling of bearing down and pushing a baby out. I knew what was coming. And nothing was happening; I was pushing with all of my might and I felt no progression. I must have gotten those words out, and all at once I realize that there is a mask being put onto my face. I thought it was nitrous, which is used for pain management and I tried pushing it away (it was my husband who was placing it there). He resisted and kept the mask there. I was hyperventilating and it was oxygen, but I was in "the labor zone" of my consciousness and wasn't really listening to what was being said to me. He was pressing the mask to my face and providing counter pressure to my back that I was asking him for. He was right in the middle of the hardest moments of my life.

Quickly Eloisa tells me that baby's heart rate is down, even with the oxygen, and I need to get on all fours. His head was out (I didn't know this) and I quickly flipped onto my knees. More roaring pushes, not having the sensation I was expecting. I could hear Eloisa say calmly and quietly to the birth assistant to call the paramedics; just in case. She then reached in and pulled my son out.

It was but the smallest moment in time; but to me it was an eternity. The sounds were muffled to me, but I could hear Eloisa saying "call them, he's not responsive." She gives him a puff of oxygen and tells me - "talk to your son. He needs to hear you." I scream in pure terror and agony; all I could think of was the precious baby that my friend had lost just a day earlier. My husband whispers in my ear, "His name is Holden. Talk to Holden," and I scream to him, reaching out to touch him and Eloisa exclaims happily "HE'S FINE!" The paramedics never had to come because everything was fine. I was fine, he was fine.

From that point on everything was normal. He pinked up, he came to me and I hugged him so tight. We nursed. My husband, so physically and emotionally exhausted, quickly settled down next to us on the bed and napped.

A couple hours later Eloisa asked if she may weigh him and he came in a whopping 9 lbs 9 oz. No one was expecting a baby of this size because my larger daughter had been 8 lbs at birth. I didn't have an unusual weight gain. I ate healthily with the guilty pleasure of chocolate, but who could deny me? Besides the difference of having a boy, I don't really have an explanation of why he weighed so much more than his sisters had. But I am thankful for the 11 hour labor, my frustrating patience, even my difficult cervix because it helped extend the length of my labor and give my body time to accommodate a larger baby and of course - the skilled hands of my birthing team.

I have hesitated telling that final part of the story. I know that for many people that may give a sense of fear; maybe that I was extremely lucky and should have been in the hospital. Risk occurs everywhere. My pregnancy was extremely low risk and a stand alone birth center and midwife wouldn't accept an at risk mother. Births are unpredictable and that's kind of what is so magical about them. In processing this experience and speaking with my sister in law, who is a labor & delivery nurse, she had helped me reframe the part that scared me - that he was "unresponsive." "Babies born naturally and of that size are just born stunned. Imagine what they went through to be born. They just need a minute to catch up," she told me. It changed my perspective from one of fear to acceptance of the norm. Sure, it was hands down the scariest moment of my entire life, but does it mean that I've failed or made a foolish decision to have my child away from a hospital? No. He was born into the hands that he needed to be; hers were the ones that God knew would be the best to guide him here. I don't think there is enough thanks that I could give this woman for what she did for us.

Two months later and Holden is such an amazing addition to our family. The love that his sisters lavish upon him is without a doubt the sweetest thing I have ever seen.

---

As a final note, one part of a lot of births that is overlooked is how the dad is doing. In our case, Adam had taken the front row seat for all of my births but this one was particularly intense.  Pushing the mask onto my face, seeing his wife do the birth exactly as she was supposed to and not being able to get the baby out, and the final adrenaline spike of his first moments in life. Personally I felt completely fine and was recovering normally after getting Holden in my arms, but dads are a different creature. I experienced it, but he SAW it all. Be sure to give the daddy the opportunity to process as well. 

Our family trip to Long Beach (7 months later) Part 1

While I'm away on my next adventure, I realized that it was probably high time that I shared about my last big one with our little family. I'm talking about our trip to Long Beach, CA from back in October. Uhm...yea. Bad blogger. Normally I'd be super pumped about writing down our travels the second that we got home, but there's something about 2 kids that makes the words pause at the end of my fingertips and sometimes they just never make it to the blog. Sorry! But nonetheless, here we are. Enjoy!

My husband's current position in his company takes him around the country a little more often than we were accustomed to a few years ago. Most places that he travels to are boring or he has a work project to support and will be working 16 hour days, so it doesn't normally make sense for the girls and I to tag along. But on the rare occasion, he snags a work trip that has a light work load and is actually in a destination where we could turn it into a little family vacation. And that's what happened with Long Beach, CA back in October.

I'm a pretty independent gal and I love to travel. To turn my blog into a family travel blog would be a dream come true. But for now, I am blessed to be able to piggyback on a few of my husband's business trips. The girls and I have a blast. They travel very well and I like to justify these little trips as our warm up for our trip to Germany in the winter, to visit my parents.

During these work trips we expect that my husband will be occupied during working hours (and sometimes longer), so I make sure to find ways to fill our time and make our travels worth it. While he was networking about natural gas solutions for the semi trucking industry, the girls and I cavorted around the Long Beach area for 4 days. Our hotel was in San Pedro, not too far from Long Beach. For one of our days we puttered around the water front there.

There is a little walking trail that takes you along the water front that parallels Harbor Blvd. It takes you past the USS Iowa, and we ended at the Gateway Plaza Fanfare Fountain. Every so often, classical music begins to play and the fountains are choreographed along. It was really pretty!

After his work commitment that evening, we took the drive out to Disneyland and walked along Downtown Disney. My husband comes from a Disneyland lovin' family - he's been dozens of times throughout his childhood and together we have gone twice. Our girls aren't at the age yet where we could justify the expense of the park tickets, let alone the sheer stimulation overload! So we went the free route and walking along the street of Downtown Disney was enough free fun for all of us. My father in law keeps asking me when we think that we'll take the girls into the actual park, and our best guess is that when Penny is 8 years old and Ruby is 6 they will have a total blast. Hopefully we will have someday-Baby #3 (and maybe even someday-Baby #4) along with us, but at the moment we can only plan for at what age these two girls will have fun. :) We had dinner at Tortilla Joe's, where Penny got her first balloon animal and I learned a few secrets on how to make the perfect guacamole.

The locals had a good laugh at us too. It was October and the temperatures were in the high 60's, low 70's. That is called tank top, flip flop and shorts weather in Washington. My kids are out in the backyard in the swimming suits and playing in our sprinkler while I lounge on a blanket in that weather. Californians don't seem to think that's appropriate in October, so we got laughed at when we hauled our family down to the hotel's pool. It had already been shut down for the winter! But luckily the hot tub was turn down to low and we went in that instead. Whatevs, works for us!

Oh, and that ring sling that I'm sure you've noticed? The one that lets me wear Ruby and still play in the water? None other than the fabulous Beach Front Baby ring sling, of course!  Click on over to that link to read more about it! No babywearing parent should be caught without one this summer.

My absolute favorite part of this trip was our visit to the Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach. As it turns out, I have started to make a habit of visiting the local zoo or aquarium whenever we travel somewhere. It's a fun outing for everyone because they tend to be very toddler friendly. There's countless lessons to learn about the animals, our environment and thinking about the big picture. Not to mention, it's a great way to expend some of that toddler energy that builds up when cooped up in a hotel room! Penny was able to run around and I didn't have to constantly reign her in. But that, my friends, is a story for another blog post! Head over to read about our adventures at The Aquarium of the Pacific.

Whistler family vacation

I've got a dormant monster inside of me. It's called wanderlust. I love to travel. Near or far, whatever it is I love seeing new places, eating new food and just seeing what else is out there. It's amazing to me how little we know of the great places so close to us. Wanderlust doesn't mean traveling across the globe. It's just being somewhere new.

Well, this past year has been a quiet year for us. It's been spent majorly focusing on this whole transition of one to two kids and the craziness that it ensues. We've also been cutting back on expenses in order to maintain staying a single income family and honestly that's way more important than vacations. Truly. However, sometimes we just need a change in pace.

The last few months I've been somewhat obviously hinting that I'd like to take a weekend getaway with just our family. "Oh look, did you see that That Mama Gretchen escaped to the coast?" Oh man, my husband got sooo tired of all my weekly updates of everyone's travel plans during the holidays. Well, it got the point across and last week he got invited to meet with a supplier for work in Vancouver, BC and he nonchalantly asked via email "hey, would you and the girls like to come up with me to Canada? ...We could make it a weekend in Whistler."

It wasn't even a minute later that I was on Air BnB looking up condos. I even found the perfect one that fit into our budget and right in the village. Alas, that didn't work out because of some kind of techno glitch and I was ready to throw in the towel because who has an available condo on the cheap on MLK Jr weekend. Then on my last ditch effort search I FOUND ONE. It was perfect! So I snapped it up and we prepared for our trip to the north. Squee!!!

We only live about 4 hours from Whistler and with all of our stops along the way (yay for Penny in taking her first long road trip in undies!!) we got there in about 6 hours. The border crossing was a breeze for us old pro's, took a stop for lunch and groceries and thoroughly enjoyed the drive out of Vancouver up to Whistler. My camera was packed away (!!) and my cell phone was dead (!!!!) so I couldn't document the absolutely gorgeous drive out there. We talked about going up again during the summer and hiking along the way.

We checked into our cozy little condo, which was at the Marquise and just across the street from the Whistler Walking Trail. A few minutes down this trail brought us to the back of the Whistler Fairmont, which is at the base of Wizard and Magic lifts. There was a bit of sledding behind the Fairmont but in the early evening when the lifts stopping running, many people came out to sled that part of the run.

The condo

We spent the next two days alternating between snow play and warming up in the condo. Unfortunately it poured rain all day on Sunday and that was the time that we decided to take the trail from the condo to Whistler Village. Normally it would be a 15 minute walk for an adult, but when you're pulling a sled with a toddler (who wants to get out half the time) and/or wearing a baby (both of you are bundled up in your snow gear), it takes like 45 minutes. Add that it was raining and creating huge puddles, and your toddler just LOVES puddles, which means their non-waterproof snowboots get soaked before you get to the village. Oh, and for some reason a ton of the restaurants and shops were closed! On a weekend during the winter season. So weird. But, we made it to Blenz for some coffee and cocoa, warmed up and started the trek home. Along the way, our brave all weather warrior passed out. Yes, those are pink gloves on her feet. We couldn't bear to put the wet boots and socks back on..

daily photo challenge for 2015

But no complaints here - it was exactly what this family needed. We are so project driven, between house renovations or whatever other project the hubs has going on, we very very rarely aren't "working" on a weekend. So it literally took us hopping the border to get a break.

On Monday, when Adam had his meeting with his supplier, he dropped us girls off at the Vancouver Aquarium so that we'd have something to do while he was busy. Read more about our Vancouver Aquarium adventure tomorrow!

Off Roading and Sledding up Foss River Road

We live right in the corridor of a lot of great snow just north of Seattle. Within an hour we have access to a ski resort and if we go a little further east we can visit Leavenworth, a quaint little Bavarian replica town (where we took our babymoon last year!). Even though we're so close to the mountains, our town is only about 70 feet above sea level and don't get very much snow (if any at all). So a little bit of a road trip is in order when we want to go sledding!

Our family tradition has been to go sledding at the start of the new year and the last two years we've kind of struck out with our sledding locations. The first year we checked out Stevens Pass, but there isn't a designated sledding area and the parking lot isn't that much fun. Leavenworth reportedly has one for older kids, but I think there is a height requirement. Last month we drove up Foss River Road outside of Skykomish to chop down our Christmas tree and we knew it would be a great sledding location within a few weeks!

A word of advice - this was mild off-roading conditions. Vehicles with street tires are not recommended to go up this road when it's snowy!  During snowy conditions as a bare minimum we recommend an AWD/4 wheel drive vehicle, with all terrain or mud terrain tires. Bring a set of chains (and any other recovery gear you might have) in case you get stuck, because we did! Thankfully this was considered "fun" for the husbands, so the mamas and kids started sledding while the dads put their off road recovery skills to use. Always travel with a secondary vehicle in case yours get stuck. There's no cell service up there.

My husband's new hobby is quickly becoming off roading in our 3/4 ton Duramax Suburban. This past summer we took our first family-of-four camping trip and teamed up with friends to drive the WADBR (which is an off roading trail that runs from southern Washington to northern Washington) and this month he was excited to get to take our rig out into to snow. Our Suburban has mud terrains and our friends joined us with their 2006 Ram 2500, with a Cummins Turbo Diesel and All Terrain tires. 

Not too long after switching to the gravel road it became very icy and both vehicles started to slip and slide. We threw down some gravel to gain traction and headed up a little more. The trail quickly becomes switch backs and soon you will see a short cut that connects two switch backs and is the perfect sledding hill. That's where we stopped. A few weeks ago when we had come up this same road it was still mud and rocks we had driven up that short cut. This weekend it was packed snow and was a perfect sled run. So we decided to chain up the trucks to make life a little easier for us and played in the snow for a couple hours. 

PS, did you notice that Penny is wearing a tutu? This girl cracks me up!  She lives in tutus! I got her dressed in her snowsuit, got started on Ruby and found that Penny had somehow procured a tutu - in the car. This girl will always make me laugh!

The snow condition was perfect for making snowmen, angels and sledding. The two toddlers, both aged 2 years 9 months, had a blast and absolutely loved the sled hill. Even Ruby loved snowflakes on her nose and eyelashes (one of her favorite things!) and enjoyed a ride in the infant sled. At first we thought the sled hill might be too long and fast for the toddlers, but even when they took a tumble half way down they got back on the disc and finished up!

Directions: Head east on highway 2 towards Skykomish (about 45 minutes). Stop at the Skykomish Ranger Station (74920 Stevens Pass Highway, Skykomish, WA 98288) to get a map. Continue headed east and turn right on Foss River Road. Follow the signs to Tonga ridge, FS 6830. Keep headed up until you find a decent sledding hill!

Follow along on my 365 photo challenge on instagram!

How I met your father #mymikesmoment

I participated in an Influencer Activation Program on behalf of Mom Central Consulting for mike’s hard lemonade. I received a Circle k gift card to facilitate this review and a promotional item to thank me for participating.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Kids, have I told you about the time that your father and I met?

In Spring of 2007, my dad had battled cancer for 9 years. I was going to college about 2 1/2 hours away from home, and I knew his time was running out. I drove home every chance I got to spend a little more time with him.

One afternoon in May, as I was parking my car at school to go to work, I stopped to ask the driver of the car parked next to me if I had parked with enough space for him to get out. I'm not sure why I was concerned, I knew I had given him enough space. Maybe it was because he was driving an SUV and I was only thinking about the preservation of my car from a door ding. The driver got out of his car, gave the parking spots an obligatory glance, and he gave me a brilliant smile and said that it was fine.

I had an awkward girl moment. I blushed and rushed on my way.

When I walked back to my car that evening, there was a note under my wiper. I groaned..thinking that in fact there wasn't enough space for that guy to get out and he left my a note telling me that he bumped into my car or something.

Instead it was a note wishing me a great weekend with the guy's full name.

And thus, millennials, if you are on the same page as I am, leaving one's full name is certainly an invitation for a facebook stalk and so once I got home I hopped onto my laptop and looked him up.

I wasn't looking for a relationship, but I gathered that he had suffered a loss recently and thought that we can be a support to each other. Tentatively I sent him a message, and eventually our conversations transitioned to almost hourly messages via myspace and later texting. A week later we met for our first date.

The romance followed and my father passed away 3 weeks after we met. It is an indescribable loss. And yet, I remind myself in those hard moments that nothing happens on accident. God placed us into each other's lives when we needed it the most. My dad and I shared the mantra "when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade," and I couldn't have thought of a sweeter story that started with a bunch of life's lemons.

October is the month where many of us take a moment to honor the battle with cancer, especially with breast cancer. But cancer (of all types) doesn't take a break between November - September. There's tons of way to donate towards cancer research, and Mike's Hard makes the commitment to donating and raising awareness too. Consider buying a case of Mike's Hard pink lemonade to get a portion towards breast cancer research...now what's better than enjoying a brew and feeling good about it too?

Tell me about your #mymikesmoment!

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Breathing New Life into a Craigslist Dresser Set!

At the start of this year I was in my 3rd trimester with Ruby and in some crazy nesting mode. I felt the urge to manage Penny's bedroom and actually put an effort into making it her own. Because of the perpetual state of renovation we just hadn't gotten into making any room feel homey and I wanted to finally put Penny's clothes into real drawers (instead of laundry baskets) and also begin to prepare for the day when our daughters would share a room.

So I started to scour good old Craigslist to find a cheap dresser set thrift a fabulous dresser set in need of love and to finally have a project of my own.

Then I found this lovely.

You might be thinking.. hey, that doesn't look so bad. And it didn't...from 5 feet away. As you got closer you could see that the black was one of many coats of paint, including missing or thin spots and runs. And let's not start on the night stand. So I got to work with a sander and brought it all down to an even layer.

On the account of being pregnant and all, my handsome hubby offered to take over on the rest. I initially really wanted to do an Annie Sloan treatment, but the hubs saw the price tag on the paint and put a nix on that. Instead he primed the pieces and used high quality furniture spray paint. Hold back your laughs, I know you think that sounds cheap but I can assure you that the effect was awesome. And yes, much less expensive.

While the primer was drying, I waffled between these designs..

And here's what we got!


...Still working on finishing the night stand and the mirror, but hey, it's a start!

Don't want to miss out on any of our renovation shenanagins? 

Click here for a full list of my posts on it!

Find my sources of pinsperation for this French Provincial dresser

Weekly Family Slumber Party // Princess Movie Night (with The Perfect Pop App)

Thank you, Pop Secret, for sponsoring today's post! 
Check out the new Perfect Pop App to make your family movie night a memorable one too. 

A few months ago, Penny got to meet a couple real-life princesses and ever since then it has been 100% princesses 100% of the time. We've got princess books, princess shoes, princess dresses, princess necklaces, princess balls, princess dolls, princess forks...ok you get the drift. If I need to convince Penny to do something, I tell her that this is the princess way. For example, she got this weird bloody nose right before nap time a few weeks ago, so after cleaning her up and getting her back to bed for her nap, I wanted her to lay on her back for a few more minutes to make sure the bloody nose had stopped. Penny normally likes to sleep on her side or stomach, so the best way I could convince her to sleep on her back was to show her how Princess Aurora sleeps, on her back and her hands clasped at her chest. Worked like a charm!

Riding along this princess wave, one of the ways that we reconnect as a family at the end of a long week is our weekly family movie / slumber party nights. We don't ever have to ask Penny what movie she wants to watch; you guessed it - Princess Movie! This typically means Frozen, Tangled or The Princess and The Frog. We've tried a couple other animated movies but these three have stuck.

Snacks are an important part of movie nights, and because our movie night is also a slumber party we opt for bed friendly snacks. We fill our water bottles for the night and keep them close on the night stand, this way
we don't worry about spilled drinks in our bed. We also opt for easy to grab snacks, specifically popcorn, because c'mon, movie night just isn't complete without popcorn! Our favorite popcorn is Pop Secret Movie Theater Butter. Other ideas include meat and cheese slices or hummus and pita bread triangles. We try to avoid sugary snacks because it's late and part of the point of a movie night is to not have to actively put your kids to sleep ;)

Our tradition is to pile into our pile into our king sized bed around 6:00 on Friday nights and snuggle together for a couple hours of uninterrupted, technology free family time. I nurse Ruby to sleep and we settle quietly in. Penny will usually stay awake for the entire movie, but sometimes she curls up and sleeps on me like she did when she was a baby. Oh, my mama heart swoons when my big toddler girl snuggles on me like that!

I had mentioned popcorn on movie nights - isn't burned popcorn one of the most annoying things in the world? It's such a difficult balance between perfect pops and making sure all the kernels are cooked. I recently got to try out the Pop Secret Perfect Pop app and I think we've got a winner!

With our microwave, the Perfect Pop app suggested that we stop 34 seconds early. The result? Not one burned piece and they were softer too. I ran a comparison bag (because one bag simply isn't enough) without using the app and the popcorn was tougher. However, and maybe this was a fluke, there were more unpopped kernels in the first batch than there were in the second (90 vs 70). I still think that I'd be willing to give up a few kernels to make sure that my popcorn tastes good.. Quality over quantity, right?

If you're like me, you're probably wondering how does an app know that my popcorn is done (and isn't that what the popcorn button on the microwave is for?!). Well, even with that handy-dandy button we still end up with burned bags from time to time. The Perfect Pop app listens to the pops and the time in between and will tell you when it's done. In the meantime, it also gives you trivia to pass the time!

The Perfect Pop App is free at the iTunes store and is compatible with most Apple devices. Liked this post? Please take this 1 question survey.

Disclosure: This post was sponsored by Pop Secret, though all opinions are my own. Apple is not affiliated with in any way, nor does it endorse or support this third party app. 

Happy 4th! It's our anniversary :)

Welp, got 5 years under our belt!

My husband and I were married at my parents' lake house on the 4th o' July 2009. It was the hottest day on record for the Seattle area. We chose that date not particularly because we are patriotic, but mainly because we always wanted a day off on our anniversary ;) I know, so selfish, right?

As all anniversaries go, the day is always a special one to us. Our first year anniversary was celebrated in Vegas with our best man and his wife, one of my bridesmaids..

Our second anniversary was spent wine tasting in California (little did we know that a few weeks later we'd have a confirmed pregnancy!)

The third year Penny was 4 months old and we kept it low-key with a staycation filled with hikes and a bbq dinner at the lake house where we were married..

The fourth year, which just might be my absolute favorite so far, we confirmed our pregnancy with little Ruby! This picture is on the dock where we were married.

And now for the fifth year we'll be spending the day with my in-laws. My father in law takes part in Corvette drive the town's parade every year and my niece will be throwing candy from the car (so sweet!). We'll have a family BBQ following and then the hubs and I will be off for a dinner date. Another low key anniversary (in comparison to years past), but with a 28 month and 4 month old...I couldn't ask for a more relaxing day!

Father's Day Gift Guide

If you're like me, picking out gifts for the daddy in your life is certainly not the easiest thing to do.

Every year, Penny's gift to her daddy has been a tie that she picks out. I take her to the tie rack and whatever one she grabbed for first has ended up being his tie. The last two years have been a random draw, so I was really interested in seeing what she would pick this time. At 2 years old she now has tastes and finds certain things cute or pretty. This year I was faced with the decision - with two daughters, does the husband now get two ties for Father's Day or does Ruby get to have her own tradition of what she gifts her daddy?

Luckily Adam is a man who loves ties and they are appropriate at his work place - even a requirement on some days. There have been surprise visits by the CEO of the company and engineers will typically pull out their "emergency tie" from their desk. So for our family, the man cannot have enough ties. The tie tradition continues.

This year I took the girls to pick out Penny's choice of tie in person and Ruby's "choice" sent to us by Daddyncompany.You can find a ton of daddy related gear there - you'll probably recognize them from their "I'm the Daddy" scrubs that became popular last year, which are the perfect expectant father gift.

The second tradition that Penny and I have kept up has been a mini photo shoot of Penny in that year's tie, which goesinto a frame that is on her dad's desk. The frame has 3 slots for pictures and we re-use wooden "D" and "A" letters to spell "DAD" each year. With the addition of Ruby, I was so excited to turn this into a sister photo shoot! Keep an eye out for a follow up post - Adam does occasionally read the blog so I can't give it away too early!

Although the ties are practical and he loves them, I also like to throw in a surprise gift or two. Here's what I've had in mind for this Father's Day.

1. Matching apparel. What dad doesn't love to show off his kids by also bragging a little bit about himself? You can find this awesome dad and baby shirt combo on Etsy.
2. Giftcards are always a win. Some people think their lame, but there's no reason why not to include them as a 'stocking stuffer' of sorts. Throw in a $5 card to Starbucks or their favorite not-so-fast-food spot (ours is Chipotle).
3. What gift guide isn't complete without the addition of a high ticket item? Watches may be more of a fashion statement than an actual way to tell time anymore (since cell phones take care of pretty much everything for us these days) but every guy needs a watch. Citizen watches are always a first pick because of their eco-drive technology (no batteries required!!).
4. Another must have for dads, obviously, are ties! This I love Daddy tie is one of my two favorites from Daddyncompany.
5. I'm finally sorting through our decor that's been stuffed away in boxes for the last almost 4 years and am realizing that a lot of it is stuff left over from college. So I'm working on updating our look - which includes tossing out some torn movie posters and replacing them with more ooey-gooey lovey-dovey ones ;)
6. Summer time means more hours outdoors and we all enjoy our tunes, but our cell phones don't have the power to send music across the yard. Portable speakers that link to your phone via bluetooth pretty much fix that.
7.When all else fails.. Irwin clamps. Kind of silly, right? We've used these throughout a ton of projects in our renovation (from clamping cabinet pieces together to a temporary lock on the garage door) and my husband pretty much raves about them. 
8. And this last one I just couldn't resist. Get DoodlePants I love Dad leggings for 15% off with code PIEROGIE15.

Do you have a Father's Day tradition? What would you add to this guide?

Disclosure: I received a promotional item from Daddyncompany in exchange for my review. All opinions expressed are my own. This post contains affiliate links.

Under Construction: new garage doors and yard work

Don't want to miss out on any of our renovation shenanagins? 

Click here for a full list of my posts on it!

Well, the renovation was on a partial hold for the last couple months for the end of my pregnancy and the birth of Ruby, but the last 2 weeks have brought us absolutely gorgeous weather and my energy has returned so we've been getting quite a few projects done around the house.

Sometimes I just have to stand back and laugh at the way that we go about our renovation. Home improvement projects are very daunting to most people and may require weeks (months?) of preparation. Some researching on how to do it, sourcing the materials and him-hawing over options. Us? Nah. Adam woke up this past Saturday morning and said "today I'm going to put in our garage doors."

Ok, let me back up a few days.

The Suburban "Duraburb" project is done and Adam started parking it into the (in my opinion) very skinny garage. Our house was originally had a 2 car garage (2 single doors) but the previous owners converted one of the stalls into a room for their daycare. We value garage space over weird/extremely cold rooms so the plan has always been to convert it back into garage space in the next year or so. I've been driving the Duraburb around for a couple weeks and am pretty comfortable with driving it and parking it in easy spots but the garage was another story. One morning I was getting ready to go to my local MOPS group and all I had to do was pull the Duraburb out of the garage. It was a tight fit but simply driving it out of the garage shouldn't be a big deal, right? Even after loading up both of the girls (who were NOT happy) I felt that I had succeeded in my attempt and started pulling out of the garage. Well...*somehow* the garage door had slid down just a teeny tiny bit and it was enough to catch the back roof rack as I pulled out. Thankfully a neighbor was walking by and I had already slowed down to let him cross, so I was literally creeping along but it was enough to bend the roof rack a little bit. This was the fire under Adam's ass to fix our garage situation.

So this past Saturday morning he went to Lowe's just to check their prices on garage doors and found that coincidentally they are having a super-sale and picked up 2 garage doors for cheap! We tend to have a lot of luck with getting super good random deals at Lowe's. So he came home and literally started cutting a hole in the side of the house.

If you know me personally or have been following the blog for a while, you know that although Adam doesn't have any professional experience in house renovations / improvements he just has a knack for these things. His engineering background gives him the basis for a lot of the projects that he tackles and where ever there are hole in his knowledge he picks up pointers from the internet or friends/family who have already done it. In the 1 1/2 house renovations that we've done he's actually got a pretty good record of success. Sometimes it's a windy road with a few detours, but I have to say that I'm very proud of him for always completing a project.

Ok enough blubbering about my handy husband, back to filling you in on what we've done.

The way that we tend to start our projects is by the seat of our pants. We decide a few days before or the morning of (as was the case here) that we want to get something done and pretty much do it. Yes, we have a list of house projects that need to be done. Yes, they are organized by priority. But sometimes that list is set aside and we just do what we want to do that weekend.

Case in point: he cut a hole in the house and installed one garage door in a day.

Sunday morning he moved on to the garage stall that already had a garage door (the one I had pulled out of). The original width was 8 ft and both new doors are 9 ft. This is plenty of room for me to comfortably park the Duraburb in the garage. Whew! He managed to finish this project in time for Penny's 2nd birthday / meet the baby party that we had planned that afternoon too.

Over the last few weeks we've been working on the yard as well. The side yard leading from our driveway to the shop was in dire need of drainage so Adam and my step-dad worked for a couple weekends to lay down drainage pipes and dig trenches. Last week a couple of our neighbors literally volunteered to throw almost 10 tons of gravel over that driveway that Adam outlined while he was at work. We have been seriously blessed with great neighbors who have welcomed us to the neighborhood and are a constant support!

Meanwhile, my parents have been visiting almost every weekend and my step-dad is a machine when it comes to whipping a yard into shape. For both of our renovations that has been his area of expertise and the man is tireless. Normally I'm not much of a yard person but he inspired me a bit and I've been working on a couple small projects throughout the yard (as nap time allows).

My first project was to weed our raised bed. Penny and the chickens became my helpers (as helpful as a toddler and five chickens can be) by dumping the weeds into a bucket or eating bugs that I unearthed - respectively. I need to fill the garden with some topsoil and then Penny and I can plant our first veggies together! I'm thinking snow peas, radishes, cucumbers, sunflowers and setting aside some room for a couple pumpkins.

I started walking around the yard and found a few areas where there had been paving stones laid out but had been overgrown for several years.

My yard projects are usually limited by which child I have with me at the time. If it's just Penny then I'm pretty free to do mostly whatever I want to do and she's become a good helper. If Penny is down for a nap but Ruby is awake then I wear her in our Boba and I'm limited to tasks that keep me standing (such as clipping branches or raking). It's not too often that I'll tackle yard work when I've got both of the kids - but we still go outside and play :)

This run of great weather has been a great motivator in getting the outside of our house looking more presentable and I've been enjoying taking the girls on walks during the day and when Adam gets home we typically take another walk after dinner. It's not too often that we get weather like this in Washington this early in the year so we take advantage of it while we can!

Ruby's Birth Story

My wait for Ruby began around the tail end of the 38 week mark. I had Penny at exactly 39 weeks and was fairly positive that Ruby would come at the same time too.

I had been having contractions in the evenings for several weeks but nothing like the real thing. My midwife had started to check me at 37 weeks, when I started at about 2cm and stayed fairly constant over the next several weeks. Days passed, and I reached my "estimated due date" (March 4th). No baby yet. I began to despair.

That week I decided to get swept, which kick started some things into action but ultimately I wasn't going anywhere. We had several nights where I would have some consistent contractions but they'd peter off in several hours. We invited my parents up for the weekend so that they were already here as we planned for them to watch Penny when we checked into the birth center. That Saturday we went to our local pool (which has an awesome kids water park) and my 6 year old niece dragged me around the pool ("c'mon Auntie - let's go down the lazy river!!") and kept me very active. That night I started another round of good contractions - lasting a minute to a minute and a half and 4-7 minutes apart. We got excited, thinking that tonight may be the night! But alas, morning came and a very grumpy Bianca emerged from the bedroom for breakfast with the family. False labor - you are a cruel bitch.

So it was Sunday, March 9th. I was 40 weeks and 6 days. My parents were going to leave in the afternoon. I began to get anxious because I knew that as soon as they'd leave I'd go into labor and they'd have to turn right back around. Adam and my stepdad took a quick trip to work on a school project together and were gone for a couple hours, during that time my mom and I sat and chatted while I tried to keep my mind off my gloom. Around 1:00 a round of contractions started - this caught my attention. My contractions always started after dinner; very rarely did I ever feel anything before 5:00. I kept this to myself but eventually my mom noticed that my attention was elsewhere and she asked if I was having contractions. The guys came home around 2:30 with lunch (at my request: spicy Thai food) and at the table I continued to have contractions and I was getting on edge. We timed them - 1 minute long, 4 minutes apart. Adam decided to call the midwife to see what she thought. Darlene thought it still might be early but agreed to meet us at the birth center around 4:15 to see where I was at. So at 3:45 Adam and I kissed our sweet Penny goodbye and took off in hopes that I'd be bringing home a baby shortly.

My birthing room was prepared when we arrived and Adam turned on a good Pandora station that he knew I'd like. My midwife checked me out - 4cm, not fully effaced. But these contractions were real. She gave us three options - go home for a few hours, go for a walk, or break the waters. I definitely didn't want to go home because I was afraid that the contractions would stop and that it would mean bringing Penny back into the situation when she's completely content with the grandparents at the moment. So we opted for a walk.

We walked up and down the streets in a nicer part of downtown Everett. The rule was that I had to walk through my contractions; no matter how hard it was or how teeny tiny my steps were, I had to keep moving. It. was. hard. Many of these contractions were painful enough where I was openly weeping as we walked. I lamented over what a sight I must be - a clearly very pregnant woman, in her sweats, bawling her eyes out and clinging to her husband. I thanked my lucky stars that this wasn't a small town or one where we could possibly run into someone! The icing on the cake - we walked by the local events center and they were just finishing up the home and garden show, so a ton of strangers got to witness this as well!

After an hour we returned and I got checked again. Sorry honey, no progression and your baby is sunny-side up. We were presented with the 3 options again - home, walk or water. Home still wasn't an option, walk was no longer desirable because it was getting dark. My birthing team was completely confident with breaking my waters because I was past my due date and all other risks were low. I decided to go for it - it was time to have a baby.

It was within a minute of breaking my water that I went into transition. In an attempt to help turn baby, the team had me do lunges using the side of the birthing tub. Lunges through 5 contractions, on each side. Oy. I got through my round of 5 contractions on my left side before I crumbled into my husband's arms and we decided to go into the water. This was an immense relief, though the contractions were still coming very fast and very hard. I remembered with Penny's birth that I was able to 'check out' in between contractions and rest. There was no resting here. Even in between contractions I was uncomfortable and barely paying attention to what anyone said.

The urge to push came a lot sooner than I expected and I pushed for several rounds on my knees and hanging my upper body over the edge of the tub, using Adam as support (the same way as I had done with Penny). Eventually it was time to get baby out (her heat rate had dropped) and I switched to being in a sitting position and was told to push with all my might. I got to the point where I knew I had either approached the ring of fire or I was tearing - the birth team urged me on and with a couple pushes I had my sweet baby girl in my arms!

With tears in our eyes we spoke to Ruby for the first time, welcomed her into this new world and marveled over her perfect features. She weighed in at 7 lbs 15 oz, 20.5" at 7:16pm. That's a full pound heavier and almost 3 inches longer than her sister was, sheesh!

From the moment that my water was broken to babe in arms was about an hour and 3 minutes. The only family who knew I was at the birth center were my parents - the paternal grandparents, aunts and uncles were all surprised with a picture text of Ruby and I!

This labor goes to show just how different each birth and child are! I went into labor spontaneously with Penny, had an 8 hour and 40 minute labor and she came in the morning. Over the last couple weeks I've been astonished at how quickly Ruby has grown, how different our breastfeeding relationship is and how I've emotionally coped with having a newborn again.

Penny was born in the water (My first birth story)

Today my oldest is 2 years old :) What a great journey it has been!

Prior to becoming pregnant I never really gave my birth options much thought. It was just something that I'd take care of when the time comes and one of my greatest influences in choosing a natural, waterbirth were from two co-workers who had both of their sons at home and my good friend Gretchen, as I followed along her natural parenting journey on her blog for about a year leading up to my pregnancy.

The experiences from these three women sparked my fire in researching why I'd want to have an unmedicated birth, at a free standing birth center, with a midwife and in the water. In addition to the great amount of research that I did (I highly suggest watching The Business of Being Born and reading any Ina May book if you are interested), one of the very best ways that I was able to prepare myself for birth was to read lots of birth stories. Each story is different and provided a new clue into what I could expect to happen or prepare for. Having never witnessed a birth personally, this was the closest I could do to beginning to understand what it might be like.

Our society permeates a lot of fear when it comes to birth. The media portrays birth as this dramatic scene where emergencies run rampant, women scream in agony and tell their "war stories" afterwards. As if for some reason scaring another woman about birth is what proves that you are strong. On the contrary, I believe that a birth free of fear is the most courageous act and is the best for mother and child. Which is why I want to share mine with you today. This story is very precious to my heart and I love to share it. 

The part that I'm the most impressed about with Penny's birth story is that it went exactly how I wanted it to be. This has made me wonder a lot during the preparations for Ruby's birth because who knows how the second time will go. I feel confident in my ability to handle labor pains but the whole unknown about it all is kind of driving me nuts!

-----

On Thursday March 1 I had my 38 week appointment with one of my two midwives. This birth center has two attending midwives and I met with each one equally so that depending whoever was on call, my husband and I had already gotten to know her and she understood our wishes. The midwife, Constance asked if I would like to be checked to see how far along I was, which I happily agreed to. A quick check showed that I was at 3cm. I was elated, but Constance cautioned that it still wasn’t likely to happen soon but that I probably wouldn’t carry to 41 weeks. That day I came home, finished packing the rest of my birth bag, prepared our cameras and tried to get a few projects done. I began to experience some lower back pain, lost some of the mucus plug, and rested that evening with Adam (who came home from work early). That evening I lost the rest of the plug in the middle of the night.

The next day, Friday, Adam went to work and I puttered around the house feeling great. My mom mentioned that the babybump looked lower but I didn’t feel any difference. I called Constance letting her know that I had lost the plug, and asked her opinion of whether I should go anywhere this weekend (side story: we are in the process of selling our home and at the time we were staying with my parents for the end of my pregnancy. This way the house was available for walk throughs at any time and I was getting support while my husband was at work). We planned to drive to our house to finish up some projects, which is a two hour drive from my parents’ house and the birth center that I was going to deliver at. All we needed to get done was clean the house and we were planning on listing it the following week. Constance was confident that we’d be ok, and even if I went into labor I was only a few hours away. So Adam and I drove down and made it there around 7:00p. Adam finished a few projects and I rested on the couch. We went to bed around 10:00p and I still felt completely normal.

At midnight I woke up and felt what I thought was a contraction. I waited a few more minutes, and another one came. Then they started being very consistently 3 minutes long, 7-10 minutes apart. Adam and I decided that if this continues to be consistent (no matter what the length) for an hour that it would be smart to pack up and drive to the birth center. I kept track of the contractions until 1:00a and we found that they were indeed consistent so it was time to go. Adam quickly packed up the dogs and our things into the Volvo and away we went. At that point, the contractions were uncomfortable but very tolerable. I also reminded myself that I had a 2 hour ride ahead of me so I needed to keep calm!

At 1:30a we were on the road and Adam turned on the hazards and very calmly drove 80mph until we saw we were coming up onto a sheriff. I told him to slow down, we don’t need the extra attention, but he decided to risk it and sped past. He started pulling over before the sheriff even turned on his lights. He approached the car, asked us why we were speeding, to which Adam and I both replied “I am (she is) in labor.” He asked if we were going to the local hospital, and Adam said no, we’re going to our birth center, about two hours away. The sheriff begins to launch into a lecture about how we can’t be speeding and that if we are going to be driving like that we either need to call an ambulance (and deliver locally) or he has to write us a ticket. I had grown very impatient at this point, as another contraction was coming, and told him to either write us a ticket or let us go, because I’m not having my baby in a hospital!! I’m pretty sure he’s not accustomed to being so directly spoken to, and he took Adam’s license to run it. A few minutes passed, and when he came back he started in on another lecture about driving safely but that he’s going to us go. We called Constance and my parents on the way to let them know we were coming home.

We arrived in Lacey around 3 am and my contractions were at the “5-1-1” rule (5 minutes apart, lasting one minute for one hour). We called Constance, and she said to wait until I was to the point where I was not able to speak anymore and that Adam would have to call for me. The contractions were still very tolerable during the drive, but as soon as we came to the house I was no longer as chipper. I took a shower and was only able to find comfort by bending over the edge of the bed and having Adam rub my back or provide counter pressure. Finally at 5a I decided it was time to go and we snapped one last picture (boy did I look enthused) and got to the birth center as fast as we could, my mom followed in her car. This time around, the contractions were not very tolerable in the car. The main way I found that I could cope with the pain was to keep writing my contractions down. When we got to the birth center, I think we actually beat Constance and Lisa (the apprentice) so we had to wait a few minutes for the door to open.

I was brought into the birthing room of my choice, which was “the yellow room.” It welcomed a lot of natural light, and I knew that I’d have her during the day at this point, and the bed in this room was higher so I was able to continue to labor in the same way as I had at home. This didn’t last very long, because Lisa’s job was to keep track of the baby’s heart beat and the simple act of gently pressing the monitor to my belly sent me into contractions, which for this first check she had to hold it there for 10 straight minutes. I became very intolerant after 2. Constance invited me to the tub and as soon as I climbed in, I felt a lot better. The water wasn’t as hot as I thought it would be, but it was a lot easier to move around. I had a hard time finding a position to actually have some control in, but soon just draped my arms over the side of the tub and rested on a hip. 

Adam and my mom alternated between holding my arms, hand, or wiping my face with a cold wash cloth. The wash cloth was a life saver, not necessarily for keeping my face cool but following the motion as it was wiped on my face was a distraction. Each time I thought I couldn’t go any further, Adam was right there telling me that I was doing great and that I could do it. He consistently reminded me of my beauty, strength and the amazing feat I was doing for us.

Shortly after getting into the water, Constance checked and announced that I was at 5cm. Lisa diligently would check the baby’s heart rate, but after 3 or 4 times I began to realize that the check was in fact sending me into contractions (in this case, a double load of contractions because she couldn’t check me during a contraction, so she would have to wait until one passed and try, which of course would start it up again) and I had my first outburst in labor - I distinctly remember telling this poor girl not to dare touch me and to keep ‘that thing’ away from me. She took it well, explained why it was needed, and I was able to regain composure but I was grumpy. From then on she was nice enough to give me a heads up a contraction ahead of time so I was able to better prepare myself. The only other outbursts I can recollect was when my water broke, I thought I had pee’d myself and lamented over the humility of it, and another time where I needed water, so my mom got up to get some, and I immediately screamed for her to come back and hold my hand.

At some point Constance gave me the encouragement to get on my knees to try to open up my hips more. I was afraid to move, but Adam was able to convince me to try. Constance checked me again and announced how low her head was, and that I should be able to feel it very shallowly. This gave me such a surge of enthusiasm; my labors were working and my girl was coming. This was no drill. No going back, not getting sent home. I was here to stay until she got here. I remember telling Adam not to not be afraid.

Soon I became impatient. I had felt her head, knew it was right there, and wanted her out. I knew that from here on out, it wasn’t going to be just my body doing the work for me, but that I needed the willpower to get her out. But I didn’t have the urge to push. I asked Constance if I should only push when I had the urge, and she said that I should, but the urge really didn’t come. I moved into a position where I was kneeling and would push down with my hands on my thighs and try to make the urge to push come. I started pushing without the urge. I begged my body for the urge to bear down. Finally the urge came, and hands down was the most terrifying feeling of my entire life. Even though I had hoped and wished so hard for this feeling to come, when it did I felt myself trying so hard to hold it back. I was terrified that literally all of my organs were going to come out. I was beginning to get very tired and would actually be able to fall asleep between contractions. For almost the entire labor I kept my eyes closed, but a few times that I did have them open I would focus on a droplet of water just hanging from my arm, playing a game with myself of whether the droplet would fall first or my contraction would end.

Adam and I recollect that I pushed about a dozen times. After the first half, I did begin to feel tears and knew the ring of fire was coming. I was still in the kneeling position, and Constance encouraged me to get on my knees and use Adam as support, so I put my arms on his shoulders and pushed my head into my mom’s hands. I think I pushed twice this way, and although I felt like I was getting somewhere, I was tearing and it was time to turn over. In this position I felt so out of control because of not having a place to brace my legs to help push.

I knew the end was near when I opened my eyes and saw a stranger in the room. To this point and the best of my knowledge, it had only been myself, Adam, my mom, Constance and Lisa in the birth center. Now there was another person there, not in scrubs, preparing something. I demanded who this person was, and at first no one knew what I was talking about (I began to think I was hallucinating). The woman came over and I saw that she was someone who I had met before at an appointment. She explained that she was the birth assistant and also a midwife.

She helped Constance put on some long gloves so that she can check me, help with the stretching and I think that the baby had to be shifted into a better position. I had asked if she was facing posterior or anterior, she was anterior (I’m sure we would have known earlier because I would have experienced back labor, but all of my labor was felt between my belly button and pubic bone). I asked Constance how many more pushes I had to give, I knew I was so close but with now in the sitting position, facing forward, being impatient and tired (and deep down knowing that I never felt like I had to push but pushed anyways), I just wanted a number. She couldn’t, she said soon, I joked that she always was so qualitative and I wanted quantitative. I asked was it six more times, and she said likely 2-3, maybe even 1-2. This gave me so much encouragement, but again I got scared. I pleaded for her help, and whatever she did, whether it was by physical manipulation or her encouraging eyes, I got the baby’s head out.

I took a small break, asked if it was ok to push the rest of her out, and closed my eyes and out Penelope came.

Immediately she was put on my chest; I saw a baby but didn’t realize who it was. I felt the vernix on my hands, saw and felt a little wiggly body, but still didn’t get it. I looked back at Adam and asked him if this was our daughter, and he joyfully said yes. A small wet towel was placed on her to keep her warm, and Constance asked when I wanted the cord cut. I said that I wanted her to get whatever else she needed to get from it, and we waited a few minutes. The instruments were brought over, and it was determined that someone was to cut it. Adam and I had spoken about this a couple times during the pregnancy, if he was going to cut the cord or catch her, but never came to a decision. Constance ended up catching her, but I asked Adam to cut her cord. It was a very short cord, I could feel that it had to be pulled a little bit to bring the baby to my chest and then some more to get the two clamps on it. I watched Adam very gingerly bring the scissors over, and pause. I asked Constance if the cord has nerves in it, because I knew he was afraid of hurting me or Penelope. It took three snips, and Penelope was now separate from me for the first time in her life.